Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

I didn’t know what was love. What I had in mind was something as simple as a princess found her ideal prince, they get married & live happily ever after. I also expect ones will never grow old, ugly or change as long as you have your prince charming all by your side.

After several years of searching for my one true love, I finally found my prince. It was the best thing that could ever happen to me & even for him. I used my own strength & effort to keep the relationship at the desired level even many claimed that when relationships grown old... we should expect less surprise, romance & attention. I refuse to believe all that because somehow I believe this man that I met... is different from the rest. The kind where everyone labels him as “ one in a million”, the “ extinct species”, and the man that is going to give me meaning in my life. This relationship not only fills part of my soul that is lonely, it gave me pride, hope & fulfilment.

My first year with him was good, second was even better & towards the third year, it was my life. I changed as time passed, I changed my priorities in life, my thinking, my attitude. I thought he likes the way I am but it was a mistake...that was my ever first wrong move in the relationship, I traded my personality for more love.... I’m soft, weak, & dependent now. However. I have only come to realised during the third year of the relationship, till the day he told me... I prefer you to be otherwise. There will never be a perfect explanation for the changes in him, but one thing I’m sure... he don’t love me as much as before. The relationship is transforming & fulfilling the prophesy of many “ relationship that has grown old”. There is nothing I can do to mend things... it came so quickly crashing over me like a killing wave. The more I struggle, the worst it has gotten... till a point where we need to give up, not our lives but all the hopes that we have in this relationship. Because it was just too tiring & tormenting. Love indeed is more than a fairy tale, the many ugly sides have not been revealed or explored. I was naive & ignorant, I stubbornly want to make up my own perfect love story, I do not have the courage to face the reality of life & the nature of human being.

Being left alone was a really painful moment. I shiver to sleep every night , most of the time I’m not able to think straight. I am lost & living with an empty soul ... I do not know how long will this last but I do know I have a choice here. I can decide to be happy or otherwise. I still have my family with me, Friends & most importantly my Abba Father. I need to move on, tears I have shed enough, now is time to realign my priority in life as it has been wrong from the very beginning. God should be the center of my life. I should not depend on man for love & they are certainly not the only subject that build my future. I chose to be free & happy, and so I will be.

Humility

How difficult is it for us to accept and admit that others are stronger than us? If we think of strength as the power to tell others what to do, we'll always be intimidated by those who seem to have more than us. More expertise, more experience, more energy, more intelligence, more talents.

This will not lead to a happy and contended life. We'll never stop proving to others and ourselves how much better we could be. The pressures and burdens are just beyond description. They just eat you up day by day, killing all your laughter and smile. What is left? Tormenting Exhaustion...

Is humility the only solution?

Love is not blind

Pursuing a soul mate who shares your purpose and vision in life will automatically narrow down your field of favorable relationship. To many people it appeared to be just too rigid, too rational to narrow down the field even further, in a simpler term…you are being too fussy and picky. Many think falling in love is something that happens without you realizing it regardless when where or who.

But the law of exclusivity tells us that the most fulfilling relationships are never broad. This is just equivalent to the concept of focus which can be also applied to the arena of relationships. I simply believe that when you practice the law of exclusivity, you are eliminating the tendency of building relationships with people who do not value integrity, respect, excellence, and an eternal vision. Must everyone agree that love is blind? Or something like, if you never try you never know?

God has given us the discernment to make wise decision in life didn’t He? Unfortunately, many times we tend to depend on our emotions and feelings to rule over God’s wisdom for us... the question is are we falling in love for love? Or are we falling in love with someone you truly believe you can spend your life time with? It is a question that will always remain there. If ever once you doubted the love, doubted who he or she really is then I would say marriage is not a matter to be raised yet.

People often say I love you…many times I have said it too. But do we really mean what we said or shall I put it as can we accomplish what we intended to mean?

Lonely Christmas

If you are sitting here wondering how are you going to celebrate this Christmas alone, still pondering about the past… the way you used to celebrate Christmas with someone special and unfortunately, he is no longer within your sight even if he still is, but not within your reach, this write up is especially dedicated to you.

Everyone has a past that cannot be erased from their memory particularly when Christmas and Valentine day is just around the corner. Every time you hear the Christmas carols being played, the flash back of his images just drowns your every opportunity to be happy. I used to hate valentine day because I never had one. I couldn’t identify the essence of romance. To me, it used to be just plain rubbish...but if you look at it in a different perspective don’t you think the world seems so much warmer and sweeter with lovely couples celebrating this wonderful day together. At least people celebrate love and not war.

If you are left alone today, it doesn’t mean you cannot be happy for others. The lost of someone may have created a vacuum in your life, and as you grieve your losses you must be careful not to “medicate” your pain with that which will only create more pain. Be strong and bold to face it. Make a choice to heal your wound before your wounds get deeper and left the scars behind. Long ago, I have made the choice to stand. Now I celebrate Christmas knowing I am not unlovable or deficient just because I am lonely. I have value because God made me, loves me, and promises never to leave me.

Grief is a process that must not be denied or hurried. People we depend on sometimes desert us, abandon us and turn away from us. There may be only a few people we can truly count on, sometimes even none. But one we can always count on is God; He will never abandon us. He is the reason we are celebrating this Christmas, and is important to know we are not celebrating without the birthday boy.

Jealousy

I believe all ladies are familiar with this term. We all know when it strikes us but we just couldn’t help to control it and let it ruled over us. Why do the females like to compare with one another? When exactly will we stop making comparison? Whenever a new girl came into the class, you can imagine a bunch of girls already asking questions like; do you think she is pretty? Obviously hoping the answer is a big “NO”. Or statement like, she is not really that pretty if you look close up. And according to the men, whenever girls introduce their friends to them, the friends will never be prettier than the introducer. It is in nature for girls to react with jealousy when she is intimidated.

The fact is we girls are too tide up with the idea of being the only best. Everyone has a different measurement for the best. Even if you think you are the best, but surprisingly to some you might not be. This is how uniquely God has created us. We are too caught up comparing and checking out our competitors and never take a good look at ourselves. We all have qualities that others might not have, if we learn how to appreciate and really be grateful for them, we will not be having this issue at all.

Jealousy brings decay to our lives because it causes us to focus on anger and bitterness. Jealousy tears families and friends apart and apparently, jealousy is famous of being the best friend’s demolisher. There is nothing wrong having more than one beauty on earth, it makes no harm when your best friend excel more than you in examinations. We need to be wiser in handling this unnecessary threat that will only portray the ugly and childish sight of us. The moment you have successfully put jealousy under your feet, it also means you have gain eternal victory over all. An indicator to show you have successfully kill the jealousy in you is when you have stopped gossiping and back stabbing, it is also the time when you truly felt happy for your best friend with their achievement from the bottom of your heart.

Suddenly it seems too difficult to attain especially the gossiping part huh? Like I always feel, living a righteous life is never convenient. In short, you can’t have both. It is indeed a life time choice to be made and your choice of walking through life according to principle often means you must walk alone.

Marriage

All the girls on earth are so afraid of the term old maid, and so they grab the first train that rambles down their marital road. Unfortunately, it only offers a one way ticket to disaster which is worst than spending a life time alone. No turning back! I certainly believe that marriage doesn't revolve around you and your lover, neither it is just for pleasure or fun. Marriage is a relationship where both helping each other to grow and fulfilling their spouse purposes. A marriage is made to bless others.

Many marriages in this generation are being such a baggage to the society instead of a blessing, showing very bad examples to the younger generations. We have couples who said, why get married? The beginning of a marriage is the end of your life chapter. Totally absurd! Marriage has been described like a crime by human beings who simply don’t understand love. Marriage is a covenant... marriage means you have found someone special to walk along with you on your journey of life till the day you die. It grieves my heart to know friends around me who rejects the idea of everlasting love. How can they have this mind set at such a young age? This negative prophecy has been penetrated in everyone heads and even worst, heart. People start a marriage with their mind thinking their love will not last; it is indeed a faithless marriage they are indulging.

Before we step into a relationship, it is crucial to know that you are committing for the long haul. If you cannot commit, don’t say the marriage oath. The inability to see the long-term is the cause for the present divorce rate. Their unwillingness to commit till the end causes them to look at what they can get short-term, and when something better comes along or obstacles they are unable to settle, they leave. In any type of relationship, a long-term perspective is a necessary attribute. It will cause two individuals to overlook present trouble and move toward a purposeful future.

In short, girls should never compromise the criteria you have set for your future partner even if it takes century for your man to arrive. Stop listening to the man, but listen with your eyes. (They are too good in words) Watch them, don’t be rush in making decision. Take the waiting as an opportunity to develop yourself, built your character and when the right man comes along, you are presenting him the very best of you.

First Step

Have you ever wonder who are you to everyone? Are you the real person that everyone thinks you are? Very often people are being called nice and friendly, but who else has the ability to X-ray their heart and soul besides God? Trusting people was never an issue for me, but trusting the sinful human nature is almost impossible for me. Self- deception is too common for everyone. Acting deceptively often makes you feel good and confident, but i have come to realize it only brings temporal pleasure.

My reflection looks good when the water is calm and still, however when it rains... it no longer will. Your every imperfections will be revealed during the hard times. The cruel world rejects authenticity but delights in deceptions. A fat woman will rage with anger if you said she has put on some weight, but will treat you a hearty meal if you were to say the opposite. Very often I choose to believe in all the lies because it hurt less. This explains why I love fairy tales and happy endings.

However, I'm desperate in wanting a change for myself and others... transparency and integrity are subsiding in our generations. I want to be set free from all deceptions and lies, to confront the truth with courage. If one day, when my mask has been taken off... i will still feel good about myself and not be ashame.